u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
