it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Let's paint friendship bongs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
