What did we do last night that was yellow?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
