your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize