how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
