So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
