I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
