Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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