If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
