Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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