I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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