i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Vodka?
Forever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize