there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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