I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
