We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know her cup size but not her name....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
