I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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