She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
