he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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