he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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