You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
there is puke in my bra ... again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
