now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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