I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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