I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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