my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
