I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
