Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
