even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
