We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize