okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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