i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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