Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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