we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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