I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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