She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
