I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The Olympian is in my bed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
