I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
