omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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