Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize