Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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