I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
