i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
