Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
