it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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