Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
should my penis look like a turkey
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
