he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
