I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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