Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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