Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize