Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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