would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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