go do what you do best...puke behind churches
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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