All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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