in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think my moral compass just broke
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