I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
