Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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