Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
