What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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