I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
