Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
