Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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