I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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