You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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