I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
