last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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