Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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