If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
