can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
