in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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