I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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